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Brad Cooper, Taylor Swift and Margot Robbie Get Clobbered at 2024 Golden Globes

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Brad Cooper, Taylor Swift and Margot Robbie Get Clobbered at 2024 Golden Globes

By Lieba Nesis

The 81st Golden Globes had a major comeback at 8 PM on Sunday January 7, 2024 on CBS after a number of prior year mishaps. The irreverent nonchalance of years past was replaced by a heavily choreographed and equally tedious program that nonetheless had some hallmarks of old Hollywood pizzazz. The only awards show with an open bar has historically been noted for its out-of-control debauchery; this year’s addition of Nobu sushi ensured empty stomached alcoholics would not be mouthing off.


The Globes chaotic past climaxed in 2022 with its removal from TV after The Los Angeles Times reported that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) comprised of 90 voters contained no Black members. After some hefty reshuffling NBC showcased the Globes on a Tuesday in 2023 with Jerrod Carmichael hosting and a telecast that received a disappointing 6.3 million viewers-a 26% drop compared to previous highs of 20 million.  Thankfully, in 2024 the original Sunday broadcast returned with Penske Media acquiring the rights along with dissolving the HFPA and replacing it with a group of 300 global entertainment journalists in a for-profit venture that will have anticipatory tongues wagging as to the viability of the movie industry.  With cinematic sales still 20% off pre-pandemic numbers and the actors and writers strikes only recently resolving this year’s ratings are more consequential than ever.

Collective breaths were being held that political statements would be held at bay despite the ongoing Israel and Russian wars and for once there was no hint of politics throughout the three hour and four minute production.  Yes there were some Israel haters in the crowd including Mark Ruffalo, Pedro Pascal, Ben Affleck whose daughter Violet just wore a sweatshirt annihilating Israel from the map, Selena Gomez, and Taylor Swift who attended a Gazaan fundraiser, and Greta Gerwig who once signed a letter urging for the boycott of Israel-but for the most part the ceremony went off without a glitch.  Thanks to the evisceration of the Cecil B. DeMille and Carol Burnett lifetime achievement awards the awards was able to make room for two new categories: Best Cinematic and Box Office Achievement and Best Performance by a Stand-Up comic- and still conclude only four minutes late. Morever, the number of contenders in 25 categories went from 5 to 6 allowing a greater pool of talent to be recognized.

A slew of potential candidates including Chris Rock, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Ali Wong, and the Will Arnett, Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman threesome turned down hosting duties leaving obscure comedian Jo Koy in charge. Acknowledging his panned monologue Koy retorted “I got the gig ten days ago, shut up.” I long for the days of five time host Ricky Gervais whose barbs made attendees squirm for months prior and subsequent to the program.  Gervais won the first Stand-Up Award yet paradoxically stood up the Globes as his vitriolic history was too great a cross to bear. Koy hurled some ineffective barbs by panning “Maestro” with a comparison of Barry Keoghan’s penis in “Saltburn” to Brad Cooper’s prosthetic nose and differentiating the Golden Globes from an NFL game by remarking the Globes had less Taylor Swift closeups-a stone faced Swift lacked any semblance of humor. Taylor  left “Swiftly” and empty handed after flying in to pick up a nearly guaranteed trophy in The Box Office Achievement Award for her “Eras Tour” documentary that was instead handed to the $1.4 billion Box Office “Barbie” which won a measly 2 awards despite being nominated for 9.

“Maestro” and Brad Cooper were some other losers of the night shutout from every single award with a demeaned Bradley Cooper barely masking his chagrin-after losing nine previous Oscar nominations.  If you can’t grab one second rate Golden Globe chances are dim for any type of Oscar recognition.  Sorry Brad the prosthetic nose and fake tan just weren’t enough to catapult you to Oscar glory-you can drown your sorrows with Hamas loving girlfriend Gigi Hadid.

Contrastingly, “Oppenheimer” hit all the right notes as a dignified Cillian Murphy portrayed Julius Oppenheimer without any prosthetics or gimmicky tricks.  The film walked away with five awards including Best Picture and Best Director as Christopher Nolan took home his first Globe.  Best supporting actor Robert Downey Jr. acknowledged his unlikely win and astonishment that “a sweeping story about the ethical dilemma of nuclear weapons” grossed over $1 billion.  Oppenheimer’s accolades are a testament to Jewish excellence as a group comprised of .2 percent of the population make up over 22 percent of Noble Prize winners.  The film focuses on the heroic genius of Oppenheimer without “Maestro’s” exploitation or ambivalence.

While Robert De Niro, Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg had their famous been there done that look for once an extremely shorn Ben Affleck didn’t look glum-perhaps being seated near bestie Matt Damon enlivened his spirits. If Jennifer Lopez doesn’t do it for you a therapist might be in order.  The fashion was an unmitigated disaster with every trend in the book showcased to dire effect-where is Joan Rivers when you need her? If you like half sheer there was Kate Beckinsale and Florence Pugh, Selena Gomez was all cutout and froufrou in red, Billie Eilish came in her Harry Potter best, and a pale Emma Stone donned an ill-fitted Louis Vuitton retread. The biggest fashion disaster of the decade was Rosamund Pike whose look was “I got lost at an Italian funeral in Sicily”-there wasn’t one “Do” in the group. Red on a red carpet sucks Selena Gomez, Ayo Aderbi, Julianne Moore and Heidi Klum.  The men’s fashion was equally reprehensible with dowdy browns, tacky stripes and the much maligned high waisted look.

Jason Sudeikis was brave enough to say I am not even going to pretend to care in a casual look that was as discordant as his divorce.  Kudos to the men who are beginning to keep up with the heavily pulled women in the plastic surgery department with Kevin Costner, Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Matt Damon and Don Cheadle saying we can freeze our face too! Jennifer Aniston and Kristen Wiig’s contorted faces were barely recognizable-I had to look up who was accompanying Will Ferrell in the usual Wiig-Ferrell less than entertaining comical bit.  I long for the natural faces of Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholson who let time take its toll organically.  “Succession” predictably won the television category with four prizes including best drama with some less predictable moments being “Anatomy of a Fall’s” best screenplay victory over “Barbie” and “Oppenheimer” and Elizabeth Debicki beating Meryl Streep in the best supporting actress in a television show category.

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