Parshas Yisro – Three Partners

By: Chaya Sora Jungreis-Gertzulin

Parshas Yisro. Parsha of the Jewish nation receiving the Aseres Hadibros.

The commandments were inscribed on luchos – two tablets, with five commandments on each side. The right side was comprised of mitzvos bein adam l’Makom, between man and HaShem, (e.g., to believe in only one G-d, to keep Shabbos…), while the left side contains Mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro, between man and his fellow, (e.g., not to kill, not to steal…)

Honoring parents, the fifth commandment, seems out of place. It is a mitzva between man and man, yet is included with the mitzvos between man and HaShem.

When it comes to Torah, there are no mistakes. There is a reason for everything.

HaShem is telling us that the miracle of bringing a new life into the world includes three partners – HaShem, father and mother. When we honor our parents, we not only honor our mother and father, but the third partner as well, HaShem Himself. The Talmud states: “When one honors his mother and father, HaShem says ‘I consider it as if I had lived among them and they had honored me.’ ” (Kiddushin 30b)

We are created with a neshama, HaShem’s spirit blown into our very being. I remember one of my teachers trying to help us visualize what a neshama is. She took a balloon and proceeded to blow it up. At first, it was limp and lifeless. As she blew into it, the balloon took on a shape and form. While we couldn’t see the air within it, we knew it was there. As we say every morning, “Elokai, neshama shenosatoh bee, tehorah hee…, My G-d, the soul that You placed within me is pure… Atah nefachtah bee, You breathed it into me…” This is the miracle of the neshama. HaShem “blows” a spiritual ruach into our soul, filling it with kedusha, sanctity.

The Talmud tells us that when Rav Yosef heard his mother’s footsteps, he stood up saying, “I must rise, because the Shechina, HaShem’s presence is approaching.” (Kiddushin 31b)

What a lesson!  As the Baal HaTanya writes, the neshama is a chelek Elo-kah, a portion of HaShem within each and every one of us.

HaShem gifted us the Torah in the desert. Wouldn’t it have been more majestic for the Torah to have been given in the most beautiful of gardens, surrounded by lush greenery, lakes, trees, and magnificent flower beds?

The desert can be challenging to navigate, difficult to cross. It is a message for us. No matter where life takes us, no matter how difficult the journey, the mitzvos must accompany us. Torah wasn’t given only to be followed during good times, on easy days. Torah is for every day, no matter what or where.

A story is told of the great sage, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Ilem, whose partner in the World to Come, Nannes, was revealed to him in a dream.

Rabbi Yehoshua awoke, quite shaken. Who was Nannes? What did Nannes do to merit being his partner in the World to Come? Together with a group of students, he traveled from town to town, searching for Nannes, but no one recognized the name. Finally, he came upon one person who was able to give him a lead. Nannes lives in the outskirts of the town. A simple man who kept to himself. He was neither educated nor learned.

After some effort, Rabbi Yehoshua located Nannes, who was surprised at the sight of the great sage coming to visit him. After exchanging greetings, Rabbi Yehoshua asked Nannes how he spends his day.

“Rabbi, I have weak, elderly parents, they need my help,” Nannes replied. “Every morning, I wash them, I dress them, I feed them.”

The Torah sage then embraced Nannes and said, “How fortunate I am to be your partner in the World to Come.”

Similar to the challenge of the desert, the mitzva of honoring one’s parents isn’t always easy or convenient. But it is incumbent upon us, nonetheless. In fact, honoring parents is so important and essential, that HaShem included it in the Ten Commandments.

“Honor your father and mother, so that your days may be increased on the land that HaShem has given you.” (Shemos 20:12)

And the Talmud teaches regarding the rewards for honoring our parents, “A person will enjoy the fruits in this life and the principal remains intact for him in the World to Come.” (Shabbos 127a)

The Shulchan Aruch, Code of Jewish Law, describes what honoring parents entails. To serve them food and drink. To welcome them to your home and escort them upon leaving. Not to shame them or contradict their words (even if we are so sure that we are correct). By not sitting in their designated place. By not calling them by their first names. Additionally, Sefer Chayei Odom explains that the mitzva of honoring parents encompasses our actions, words and even thoughts.

My mother a”h would often speak to families having parent-child relationship issues. How upset my mother would be if the children would relate to their parents as “he” or “she”. “Who is ‘he’, who is ‘she’ ”, my mother would say. “It’s my father, my mother.”

When there is a breakdown in honoring parents, it leads to a breakdown in society.

It’s not only what we do, but how we do it. Our actions must be “b’sever panim yafos – with an enthusiastic and sincere expression on our faces.” To show genuine caring and kindness.

If we help a parent with a scowl on our face, we are missing the point. Attitude counts. Even when we are already “out of the house”, building our own lives, raising our own children, the obligation to honor parents continues. A responsibility to be there for them, to see what we can do to help.

I was once with an acquaintance when she asked her eight-year old daughter to bring her a cup of water. “I’m not your slave”, was the little girl’s reply. The mother laughed it off, but I cringed inside. The words of the Ten Commandments flashed before me. How terribly tragic to raise a child lacking in simple honor and respect. I thought that I wish that I still had my parents. What I would do to just be able to bring them a cup of water.

How do we honor parents even after they leave this world?

“Imi, morasi, My mother, my teacher”, showed me the way. Every speech was an opportunity to honor her parents. Telling over teachings, recollections and acts of kindness of my grandparents, Mama and Zeide, a”h. My mother perpetuated their memory, thereby giving them respect even after they were no longer physically here.

Every time we do a mitzva, it’s an occasion for an “aliyas neshama, elevation of the soul.” It can be by giving tzedaka or taking on a mitzva that a parent was careful with. Make it your mitzva. Follow in their path. Do it in their memory.

Every year, at the Hineni Yom Kippur services, my brother would announce before Yizkor that those who remain inside pray for the neshama of the departed. But what should those exiting pray for? He would share the words of Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky, a”h. “If you’re so fortunate to still have your parents, pray that next year you will be able to leave the shul at Yizkor once again. Pray for the health and well-being of your parents.”

Shabbat Shalom!
Chaya Sora

This article was written L’zecher Nishmas / In Memory Of HaRav Meshulem ben HaRav Osher Anshil HaLevi, zt”l and Rebbetzin Esther bas HaRav Avraham HaLevi, zt”l