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Friday, March 29, 2024

Parshat Vayesheb – Purpose

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Biblical illustration of Joseph, the son of the patriarch Jacob who had been sold into slavery in Egypt. He is seen here resisting the romantic advances of Potiphar’s wife

On Sunday I went to visit a friend, David, in the hospital. He had come into the hospital the night before as a result of a bad case of bronchitis touching on pneumonia which led to a fall.  We recently celebrated David’s 100th birthday. It was important for me to explain to the nurses that this wasn’t a typical 100 year old (if there is such a person). David lives on his own, cooks, probably reads a book a day, does his 10,000 fitbit steps daily, climbs up and down the stairs, drives, regularly attends synagogue and is an integral part of the community.

I could have mentioned that he is a brilliant man with a sharp mind, an inventor with many patents and a very, very successful businessman to boot. David’s driver’s license might state 100, but his mind and body could easily pass for 25 years less. The nurse told me that my friend, who was the doctor in charge, let everyone on the floor know already. The same advice to the hospital staff would come from each of those who visited David the rest of that day.

As I sat on the side reading some Tehilim while David slept, I wondered what it must be like to be 100. David’s wife had passed away almost a decade ago as I was certain all of his longtime friends did too. When a person gets to be 100, they are in a pretty exclusive club. Less than 2 in 10,000 get to 100 and 80% of those are women. There has to be some sense of loneliness. How do people overcome the sense? How do they avoid depression?

My mind was drawn to a story in the Talmud about Honi HaMaagal – Honi was a miracle worker and the Talmud tells stories of Honi overcoming nature and negotiating with G-d as a partner might with his partner. His name HaMaagal or the circle drawer is from one of those miraculous stories. And in that moment in the quiet hospital room, I could actually hear Rabbi Abittan quoting from the Talmud. This is probably the origin of the Rip Van Winkle story.

Rabbi Yohanan said: “This righteous man [Honi] was troubled by the meaning of the verse, ‘When the Lord brought back those that returned to Zion, we were like dreamers.’ [Honi asked] Is it possible for seventy years to be like a dream? How could anyone sleep for seventy years?”

One day Honi was journeying on the road and he saw a man planting a carob tree. He asked, “How long does it take [for this tree] to bear fruit?” The man replied: “Seventy years.” Honi asked him: “Are you certain that you will live another seventy years?” The man replied: “I found mature carob trees in the world; as my forefathers planted those for me so I too plant these for my children.”

Honi sat down to have a meal and sleep overcame him. As he slept a rocky formation enclosed him. Hidden from sight he slept for seventy years. When he awoke he saw a man gathering the fruit of the carob tree and Honi asked him, “Are you the man who planted the tree?” The man replied: “I am his grand-son.”

Honi exclaimed: “It is clear that I have slept for seventy years.” H returned home. There he inquired, “Is the son of Honi HaMaagal still alive?” The people answered him, “His son is no more, but his grandson is still living.” Thereupon he said to them: “I am Honi Honi HaMaagal,” but no one would believe him.

He then went to the beit ha-midrash [study hall] and there he overheard the scholars say, “The law is as clear to us as in the days of Honi HaMaagal,””for whenever he came to the beit ha-midrash he would settle for the scholars any difficulty that they had. Whereupon he called out, “I am he!”  But the scholars would not believe him nor did they give him the honor due to him. This hurt him greatly and he prayed for mercy, and he died. Raba said: “Hence the saying, ‘oh Chevrutah oh Metutah  – Either companionship or death.'”

I was always bothered by this story. I assumed that the lesson was that without friends, colleagues and learning partners who I could relate to and who could relate to me, there was no purpose to life. I saw this possibly as a generational lesson. As King Solomon said there is a time for everything. I can be in my generation, but not in another. I can relate to my generation, but not to another.

But in this hospital room, thinking of this very special man who although almost twice my age was my friend, who had told me on more than one occasion that he “had my back”. When someone has your back, they are there to support you unconditionally. When life seems to blindside you with undesirable events, they’re there for you without complaint, supporting you in your moment of need, not for their own selfish, self-gratifying reasons, but because your wellbeing to them is foremost in their mind and heart. My friend David shown this quality of having my back more than once and very publicly.

This week we read of Joseph who is hated by his brothers. He tells them of his dreams which causes them to hate him even more. Even his father Jacob is upset by the dreams. Jacob sends Joseph out to check on his brothers who decide to kill him and then relent by agreeing to sell him as a slave. He travels down to Egypt and is sold again and purchased and finally ends up in the house of Potiphar where he rises to become the assistant to his master. Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Joseph, and when he rejects her, she accuses him of trying to rape her. He is sent to prison. If anyone deserved to say oh Chevrutah or Metutah, either companionship or death, it was Joseph. Hated, denounced, abandoned and sold by his brothers into slavery and left to rot in an Egyptian prison, he may have wondered if he was the Yishmael or the Esav to be set aside and ejected from the household of the nation. He may have wondered if his father in response to his dream was part of the plot to be rid of him. Why would he not pray for mercy and to be taken from the world?

But Joseph finds purpose. Even if that purpose is temporarily becoming the chief slave of Potiphar and even if that purpose is rewarded with a false accusation. Perhaps it’s his dreams or his faith which drive him. In prison, he does not give up nor despair. Joseph again finds favor, this time in the eyes of the warden who appoints him senior prisoner in charge of all who are brought there. It is there where Joseph meets Pharaoh’s baker and butler and interprets their dreams. And next week we will see how this leads to his appointment as viceroy.

Honi didn’t need a learning partner. He needed to feel a part of the new world he woke up in and find a purpose. He couldn’t.

My friend David may not have any of his schoolmates around, and of his learning partners or his friends of his youth. But he also refuses to be a relic of a generation gone by. He is part of this generation and he has his new friends. Each day is a gift, a gift with purpose, to give and help, to learn and to teach and to benefit the world.

It took sitting in a hospital room with a sleeping centenarian to remind me of this.

Rabbi David Bibi

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