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Thursday, March 28, 2024

The Rivers of History and the Light of the Tallit

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David Bibi is the Rabbi of the Sephardic Congregation of Long Beach and has taught in many community Synagogues. He has written and edited a weekly newsletter “Shabbat Shalom from Cyberspace” for 19 years, and can be reached at DavidBibi@gmail.com.
David Bibi is the Rabbi of the Sephardic Congregation of Long Beach and has taught in many community Synagogues. He has written and edited a weekly newsletter “Shabbat Shalom from Cyberspace” for 19 years, and can be reached at [email protected].
The Midrash tells us that it was the law of sisit and tallit that was the protagonist in creating the revolt of Korach. It’s a pity that neither Korach nor his wife could appreciate the true beauty of the Tallit.

Eleven years ago this week, we set up a huge stage on the beach behind my house. A team of imported concert roadies set up speakers with generators and lights. Hundreds of girls and women converged under the stars to dance the night away to the music of Neshama Carlebach and her band. I as a man wasn’t invited!

This week eleven years later, instead of a stage, we are preparing a Chupah about 300 yards to the west and if all goes as planned, my daughter Aryana will B’H be married on that same beach under the setting sun. This one I hope to attend!

This week we read the portion of Korach. My wife Chantelle was going through some notes when she found one of our newsletters from the same portion, but from 2002. This allowed us to recall that our daughter Aryana was celebrating her Bat Mitzvah during this very same week.

The newsletter included her speech from that night. 12 year old Aryana began by noting that this portion presents a great opportunity to talk about the power of women and how the influence of one woman led to the destruction of Korach and his group, while the intelligence and wisdom of another saved Ohn ben Pelet from going down with the rest. But instead of speaking about that she spoke about a converging of rivers.

Aryana told us how she noticed that a river of tears flow through every Simcha. But unlike sad tears which are salty, these tears are sweet. The river flows with the tears of parent’s nachat for their children from a very ancient river. This powerful river began in the Land of Israel and flowed through Babylonia, Syria, North Africa, Spain, France, Germany, Poland, Russia and into the Americas. It is a river that flows from generation to generation. It is a river that flows wherever Jews have lived. And it gets mightier and sweeter with each passing day when a parent or grandparent “sheps nachas” from their children.”

This week, Aryana’s rivers which combine her mother’s family’s rich past and my own ancestors becomes even stronger as it joins the rivers of the Ritholtz and the Sterman families. Those rivers bring histories, stories, and customs. And this wedding will no doubt see a combining of those customs where we come together Ashkenazim and Sephardim – Those from Eastern Europe and the Near East, all of us Americans as well. Incidentally all four of the couple’s grandfathers are Veterans – two from WWII and two from Korea. King David writes, “Hineh ma tov uma na’im. Shevet achim gam yachad” How wonderful it is when the tribes of brothers come together in unity.

The wedding itself will bring together some of those customs. Sephardim will see the bride and groom host (brief) pre-nuptial receptions shortly before the chupah ceremony. The bride hosts a women’s reception in one room where she sits on a distinctive, ornate throne-like chair. Her friends and family approach and wish her mazal tov. The groom hosts a reception for the men nearby where the tena’im are signed and the mothers of the bride and groom break a plate. There the ketubah (marriage contract) is also completed, witnessed, and signed. This is in contrast to the Sephardic custom. There, the bride and groom sit together with their respective families for the signing of the Ketubah.

Another custom that will be different is “The Bedecken” or the veiling of the bride by the groom. With great fanfare, dancing and singing, the guests escort the groom to the bride. The groom then lowers the veil over the bride’s face. The groom, surrounded by his enthusiastic friends, is escorted out of the room to prepare for the Chuppah.

At the ceremony, when the bride reaches the chuppah, she circles the groom seven times. She breaks the wall that separates them and builds the spiritual wall within which they will reside.

Towards the middle of the ceremony, we add a Sephardic tradition which includes the groom donning a new tallit over which he will say the Shehehiyanu blessing having in mind the happiness of the marriage and the wedding blessings. And before the concluding breaking of the glass, we cover the bride and groom with that tallit and bless them with Birkat Kohanim, the priestly blessing and concluding with the words from the Book of Ruth where the elders and the people blessed Ruth, the mother of the Messiah, with the words, “HaShem make the woman that is coming into your house like Rachel and like Leah, the two of whom built the house of Israel”. The groom will break the glass after reciting the words recalling Jerusalem during the final song and as the ceremony ends the bride and groom are escorted away from the Chupah in song and dance by friends and family.

Finally the reception itself has differences. While most Ashkenaz affairs are seated, Sephardim tend to come and go with other obligations. On the night of my daughter’s wedding, many have obligations to attend another wedding in Brooklyn and an engagement party in Manhattan. Thus dinner is served all night as are desserts. People walk and talk, have a drink, dance, eat and sit down and then get up and someone else may take their place. The fun is keeping the party going without a break and lastly when most of the guests have left to sit with just the families at one large table, have something to eat, give people a chance to speak and together say Birkat haMazon thanking Hashem and blessing the couple with Sheva Berachot.

Well that’s the plan. I’ll let you know how it goes.

The foremost wedding blessing is, “May Hashem bless the couple to build a Bayit Ne’eman BeYisrael”. I saw a beautiful thought by Rabbi Eliezer Eisenberg which combines the various customs we noted. Building a home requires three elements: A foundation, walls, and a roof.

The foundation is the history the couple brings to the marriage: their families, what they have learned, and their achievements in Midot- ethics and Chesed – Kind Acts.

The walls are the contribution of the bride. As we mentioned, under the Chupah, the bride circles the groom seven times, separating the home from the influences of the outer world. As the Talmud teaches, “One who is without a wife, lacks a wall”. The wife creates the walls that define and surround the Jewish house. She is the Gevurah, the strength and vessel.

The roof is the contribution of the groom. Returning again to the book of Ruth, Boaz was asked “ spread therefore your wing over your handmaid.” The husband brings the Kallah to the chuppah that he creates. And their private and personal chuppah is under the tallit which he drapes over them. As the minhag among Eastern Europeans to not wear this large tallit until the boy is married, the tallit which Aryana will be giving Steven will be the first time he wears his one tallit. .

We mention often during the ceremony that the couple should be like Adam and Chava in the Garden of Eden. The Ben Ish Chai quoting the Arizal teaches us that the garments of Adam haRishon. before the sin were ketonet ohr/garments of light. The tallit that Steven will put on represents this original light in the form of Ohr Makif and protects from any outside forces. He continues that sisit are the gematria or equivalent numerical value of “beit ya`akov”. And quotes the verse, “beit ya`akov lekhu ve nelekhah be’ohr Hashem/ House of Ya`akov go and let us walk in the light of Hashem”.

So I ask you all out there to bless the couple and all the couples of Israel that they be zoche, worthy to build a Bayit Ne’eman. May their foundation rest solidly on the treasures found in Aryana’s rivers of history. May it rest on zechut avot – the merit of our forefathers and their struggles through the millennia to get us where we are today. May aryana be worthy to build walls of holiness and be a true Akkeret Habyit and may Steven always set above them and protect them with a roof of spiritual light.

May this light always guide and direct them, may it watch over them and protect them. May they merit with that supernal light to guide those rivers to their final destination, bringing Mashiah Bimherah Beyameynu, Amen!

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