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Friday, March 29, 2024

Parshat Chukat – You Gotta Believe!

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The wedding of the author’s daughter brought out profound emotions about the deeper meaning of this milestone family event.
The wedding of the author’s daughter brought out profound emotions about the deeper meaning of this milestone family event.
One of the Rabbis under the chupah at my daughter’s wedding turned to me and said, “I’ve seen you speak for twenty years at countless occasions under all sorts of pressure and I don’t remember ever seeing you getting nervous… wow, you’re human.” Well I do get tense and standing out on the beach with six hundred people around us and the sun starting to set, I was downright anxious.

This week we read the portion of Chukat which begins with the laws of the Parah Adumah- the Red Heifer. King Solomon states that with all his wisdom, there were concepts relating to the laws of purification through the ashes of the red cow that were difficult for even him to fully comprehend. Based on this, the Rabbis describe Chukim as statutes of faith. We follow them simply because we were commanded to do so.

This theme of faith runs through the entire Perasha. Following the death of Miriam and the drying of the well, the people instead of coming to comfort Moses, have a crisis of faith and gather to complain. We have the incident of Moses “hitting of the rock” where G-d tells him, “because you didn’t believe in Me”.

Then although the people encounter the southern Cannanities and defeat them in battle, they complain again. G-d allows the poisonous snakes who typically fill the desert to attack the nation. Moses creates the “copper snake on a stick” which reminds them that G-d is in charge and they are miraculously healed. And finally we have the battles of Sichon and Og. Moses is concerned lest the merit of Og’s assistance to Abraham protect him. Hashem must assure Moshe, who then leads the people into victorious battle against the giants.

Again and again, we see that one can do what they can to succeed in life. But after all is said and done, as Tug McGraw reminded us so well, “You gotta believe”. We can get so far believing it is our own effort that’s taking us somewhere, but at some point we need to admit; we’re often kids driving the car at Nelly Bly Playland where we think that by pressing the gas and turning the wheel, we’re doing something, but the car follows the track and it moves at the will of the operator.

So many of you asked, “So, what happened at the wedding”. For those who didn’t read last week’s article, I noted that my daughter Aryana was marrying her fiancé Steven this past week. It was a mix of customs and communities. We had a plan, a little of this and a little of that, all following a rigid schedule. And we hoped the plan would follow course. But man plans and G-d laughs.

It was 8PM, I was standing at the beginning of the walkway out to the beach. I knew there were 400 chairs around the chupah and it looked like another 200 people were standing. Others were running by and sitting along the end of the cabanas. Still 150 more were waiting inside. It should have been 7PM. Now at 8PM the last few marchers needed to walk down the aisle and I wondered how to complete a wedding in 22 minutes. It wasn’t just Shekiah that was the problem, it was literally sundown that worried me. The ceremony was set up further out on the beach and the only light was G-d’s light. And when you start to get emotional, emotions don’t quit. I had already cried when the groom came to veil the bride and I was asked to bless my daughter. My wife reminded me that the last time she saw me shed a tear was 25 years ago when my son Jonah was born as the sun rose outside the hospital room. I wondered how those accustomed to assigned tables would handle open seating which included dozens of sofas, benches and coffee tables. Would there be enough seats? Would there be enough food for people who weren’t used to a buffet? What about the lines? Already we mishandled the food at the signing of the Ketubah, what next?

And as I looked at my daughter sitting there next to my wife waiting for our turn to march down and saw her calm, I remembered that one friend told me, there is no ketubah without a mistake and another told me I should expect to give the devil his meal and be sure to send him on his way, I realized there wasn’t much more that I could do. So I turned to Heaven and told G-d that He could take it from there.

And everything began to fall into place. The musicians led by Eitan Katz were phenomenal. Steven’s father, Steven’s brothers, my dear friends Dr. Rabbi Meyer Abittan and Dr. Rabbi Elie Abadie along with my son Moses serenated the crowd. The sun seemed to stand still and even after it set in a breathtaking manor, her rays provided more than enough light. The wind died down. The ocean sang in the background and the beach setting couldn’t have been nicer. People told me they felt they were transported to some island in paradise.

And when we returned to the ballroom, it couldn’t have been nicer. My wife Chantelle is an artist with a penchant for detail and no detail was left out. Every table had a unique setting. There were nine buffets. Plenty of tables, chairs, sofas and benches filled the room and provided more than enough seats for everyone. Richie of the Sands outdid himself. People never saw the place so beautiful. My dearest friends Ruthie Hecht and her mom Barbara Esses took complete charge. Joey Zami had more than enough food and extra to spare and not only was it abundant, people raved at how delicious it was. The desert room was decorated with cakes and cookies, each painstakingly designed by Chantelle. And the dancing never stopped. When the band paused, Morris Fax stepped in and kept the crowd moving. And the people rejoiced in the bride and groom who rejoiced with the people. Even the photographer Hy Goldberg who has done thousands of weddings found this one unique.

And the end of the wedding topped all. We set up a huge table and almost a hundred of us, washed and ate and told words of Torah and together blessed the couple. I was deeply grateful to all who helped and to Steven’s parents and family for making this night so special.

When I got home early that morning, I said a prayer of thanks to Hashem. I compared the worry in the moments before 8PM with the calm that followed. I hope to remember especially in times of stress, that ours job is to give our all; our job is to do our best, but we should never forget to have faith even when we don’t understand and put our trust into Hashem. He’s been there for us and He’ll be there for us. Sometimes you just Gotta Believe!

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