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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Parshat Mishpatim – These Are the Statutes Which You Shall Place Before Them

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Rabbi David Bibi is the Rabbi of the Sephardic Congregation of Long Beach and has taught in many community Synagogues. He has written and edited a weekly newsletter “Shabbat Shalom from Cyberspace” for 19 years, and can be reached at DavidBibi@gmail.com.
Rabbi David Bibi is the Rabbi of the Sephardic Congregation of Long Beach and has taught in many community Synagogues. He has written and edited a weekly newsletter “Shabbat Shalom from Cyberspace” for 19 years, and can be reached at [email protected].
VeEleh HaMishpatim Asher Tasim Lifnechem. These are the statutes which you shall place before them.

Society requires laws and statutes to live by. As Jews we are expected to follow the law and go beyond the letter of the law.

My father Joe Bibi, AH, passed away this week. My father in his humility probably arranged for his funeral to fall on Tu Bishvat and at the outset of yeshiva vacation week to avoid crowds and eulogies at his funeral. Even today Tuesday as we plan his areyat – his seventh day memorial service for this afternoon, the skies are open with snow falling. Did he manipulate that too so that less people come?

With so many families away, I received hundreds and hundreds of emails from people who knew, loved and respected my father.

One email I received Friday stopped me in my tracks. The gist of it began:

“Dear David,

You may or may not know me, but I will be saying Kadish for your father, my brother Joe Bibi. “

Today in America if someone received a letter like this, he might think. Oh my gosh, what did my grandfather do?

But anyone who knew my grandfather knew better.

The note continued,”I came to America when I was 15 years old. I had no relatives here nor any friends. I moved into Reuben and Esther Bibis home and stayed there as their child for years. You’re father was my brother”.

The stories about the chesed of my grandparents are legendary. As we sat for the shiva we heard from Rabbi Maslaton how his father took him to see a true sadik, my fathers grandfather Isaac Mizrahi. We all heard the amazing stories of my dads other grandfather Yosef Obadiah Bibi. But being the son and grandson of righteous people is no guarantee of being righteous.

My father was a man of tremendous midot. One might argue that his greatness was in his service to others, in his encouragement of others, in his trust in G-d, in his humility or in his patience. Rabbi Ben Oliel suggested that even one born with these merits is still tested every day.

On Wednesday after hearing of my dad’s passing, I stopped by my office. As I left to get the car, the attendant was crying at my fathers passing. The building concierge, a truck driver, the guy in the coffee cart, people we pass after day and rarely give a thought to were distraught.

Joseph Bibi had the amazing quality of seeing the selem elokim, the G-dly image within every person. Not only did he see it, but he drew it out and made everyone feel important. People would come to him with their problems and would leave feeling great.

A man told us that twenty five years prior he had a disagreement with another man in the synagogue over work that was done. They didn’t want to be in the same room with each other. They approached my dad and each spoke to him. The matter was settled and they became best of friends. What did my dad say? We think it’s not what he said, it was his tremendous skill of being an active listener. He heard them. He made them feel better.

Given all the tremendous communal accomplishments of my father, whether for the Synagogue, school or lodge; the edifices built, the synagogues, the Torah centers, the senior citizen residences, children’s camps, community centers and schools, the accolades could have gone to his head. Everyone wanted to honor him, yet he ran from honor.

He never expected anything, never asked for anything for himself. It was always about everyone else.

Last year when a nurse in error caused my father severe damage which caused tremendous pain and lasted for many weeks, instead of anger my father accepted it as some tikun, some heavenly reparation.

My brother insisted that my fathers greatest midah was his patience. He said that a thousand times my father waited for us and never complained. At a light he would never honk when the guy in front didn’t move. He never stared after the train on the tracks. When it comes, it comes. Who am I to think it should come for me?

One of the rabbis said he caught himself after hearing the stories when he thought he was rushing his wife from the house. He committed to giving patience a try.

I tried it waiting for my kids that night. I also tried it on the road in the morning. It’s not easy even once let alone thousands of times my father seemed to be patient without effort.

Is patience required of us? Or is it going beyond the requirement of the law? Whatever the answer, exercising patience can make us better people. So next time your tempted to look at the watch, to honk the horn, or to press someone else, stop. Take a breath, pause, think of my dad and exercise patience. It takes tremendous effort but will bring tremendous reward. Do it in his memory.

May the soul of Yosef Ben Esther be bound in sror hachayim.

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