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Friday, March 29, 2024

The Disposable Student: When a Student Doesn’t “Fit In” – Part II

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The author says that in the days of yore, many communities’ day schools came to be because the local Orthodox rabbi, overwhelmingly members of the Rabbinical Council of America, went door to door to any and all Jewish families soliciting not for money but for any Jewish child whose parents would enroll their child in this “new” phenomenon called “Jewish day school.”
The author says that in the days of yore, many communities’ day schools came to be because the local Orthodox rabbi, overwhelmingly members of the Rabbinical Council of America, went door to door to any and all Jewish families soliciting not for money but for any Jewish child whose parents would enroll their child in this “new” phenomenon called “Jewish day school.”
(Continued from last week)

Who will answer for these lost souls? Who is big enough to answer the Ribono shel Olam on High who will surely want to know, “Why did you allow My beloved children to forsake Me?”

Who will answer the mother who wants to know, “Why did my daughter fit in all eight years of elementary school, and one month before school opening in 9th grade, she suddenly doesn’t fit in? What changed? What happened? Won’t anybody tell me?”

It wasn’t all that long ago that rabbis, rabbanim and others concerned with the Jewish future in this country looked for students “with candles” to register in what were then fledgling institutions. Yeshivas were starved for talmidim. Bais Yaakovs for girls were not even a dream, but the wisp of a thought about a dream. It has been a very few short years since fine institutions of Torah learning for both boys and girls became a reality.

During that time, everyone was welcome. Everyone fit in. Many communities’ day schools came to be because the local Orthodox rabbi, overwhelmingly members of the Rabbinical Council of America, went door to door to any and all Jewish families soliciting not for money but for any Jewish child whose parents would enroll their child in this “new” phenomenon called “Jewish day school.”

In Lakewood, NJ the late Rabbi Pesach Z. Levovitz dared to dream that a day school could be a reality. He literally begged for Jewish kids in and around Lakewood, including in Howell, Freehold, Farmingdale and Tom River where Jewish immigrants, mostly Holocaust survivors initiated successful egg farms and businesses. “Just come!” he enthusiastically told one and all. “Give me a chance,” he begged. His persistence laid the ground work for a community that was to ultimately become “Lakewood” where Rabbi Levovitz lovingly welcomed, embraced and assisted Rav Aharon Kotler ZTL. The rest is history! In the Bronx, the late, revered rav, Rosh Yeshiva and dreamer, my unforgettable rebbi, Rav Yeruchem Gorelick ZTL established Yeshiva Zichron Moshe and Bais Yaakov decades ago and expressed great satisfaction and enthusiasm when the city allowed for students to be bussed to the schools of their choosing. He felt that bussing was introduced min hashamayim – it was divinely ordained, so everyone could come … all fit in.

So it was across the country. In Pittsburgh, the late Rabbi Joseph Shapiro knocked on doors in the evenings when both parents were home, asking for the opportunity to elegantly and sensitively explain why a day school education made sense for all Jewish parents, even the “greeners” who wanted to rid themselves of any real Jewish observance and identity. That was the beginning of Hillel Academy of Pittsburgh, and many other Hillel Academies throughout the country.

All were welcome. All fit in. They need only come.

And now?

The issue is not whether every yeshiva and school needs to accept every student. Rather, the issue is whether there is a seat for every child who wants to attend a yeshiva, a Bais Yaakov, a Jewish Day School. There must always be a seat at the table – and an acknowledgement that the table is large enough for everyone!

The great imperative of Judaism is to learn and teach Torah. Ve’shinantan levaneicha. Who are we to determine who is worthy to learn? Who are we to suggest that someone is not worthy?

Not long ago, I received an email from a mother who was in emotional anguish over her son, “kicked out before Pesach.” She agreed that the yeshiva was not meeting his needs. That it was not the right place for him. “But now I have a son in jeans with an unfiltered smart phone, still Shomer Shabbos BH, but not doing everything properly.”

She and I continued to email for several days. Throughout, I found her to be thoughtful and reasonable. At one point, she wrote, “What I have strongly felt would have made a huge difference is had he not been kicked out but transferred. If they would have said, ‘This is not the right place for you but let’s find the place that will meet your needs.’” She wondered if it would be possible for yeshivas to work together with parents to find the right place for the student who “doesn’t fit in.”

She was pleading not just for her own son but for, “all the sons and daughters expelled and rejected.” She didn’t want her son, or any of them, to feel hated or unwanted by the frum community. With another, appropriate placement, her son could be in yeshiva and “hold his head high” in the community.

Does anything else need to be said?

As we concluded our emails and communications, during which I offered a number of suggestions and supportive comments, she said what was deepest in her heart and in the hearts of countless fathers, mothers and their “punished” children. With exasperation, hurt, and bewilderment she said to me, “Articles are nice but with all due respect we need bigger. The more children that get kicked out, the more children we have on the street suffering and the path back is so much longer and ever so much more difficult.

“How can we take this to the Gedolim and make a change ASAP?”

I share her fear and her bewilderment and I share her sense of urgency.

Rabbi Dr. Eliyahu Safran is an educator, author and lecturer. He can bereached at [email protected]

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